My Dirty Little Birthday Ride

I am welcoming my 40’s in a proper way…getting dirty in a non-cougar sort of way!

Screw “over the hill”…we are going UP the hill…and it’s gonna ROCK!

Where you ask?  Castlewood State Park of course.  Herrrr Derrr!

Meet at 8am at Pavilion 1 (first lot on left; playground).

Start the day with a few hours of dirt climbing the trails of Castlewood (Love, Roller Coaster, up Grotpeter to fire road, cross Ries to Justin’s Revenge, cross Kiefer Creek back into park and thru creek and onto old dirt crit course to road and up Lone Wolf. After that we head to the back and ride River Trail, Blue Ribbon, and recovery back on the flats of Al Foster to Singing Nettle and River Trail back to the lot.

*The part of the ride in the front of the park is cx-friendly for some, however, if you fear or simply cannot turn, this is not the course for you and I do not want any of my friends to bleed on my birthday because I already have the sads about getting the olds. It’s my party and you cannot bleed unless I want you to, OK?
This will not be a hammer-fest and anyone can meet up at any point in/on the ride as we will likely stop back at cars before and after Lone Wolf in case anyone needs to replenish hydration/nutrition.
This is a chance to get together with other dirty folks and have some laughs and fun on the trails.
I do not expect or want any of the following:

  • Singing of that one birthday song…unless you make it dirty;
  • Gifts that can be wrapped or cost money;
  • Cute/adorable kittens;
  • Balloons
  • Singing cards (or any cards); save the planet and all that.
  • Whining, crying, or general complaining about life, significant others, kids, jobs, or that “MTB is hard”.  Yes it is.  So is life.  HTFU.

Anyone bringing any of that “Over the Hill” nonsense is likely to get kicked in the junk or have an “accidental” spill when they least expect it; I am crafty like that.

**Bring: Helmet, water/food, extra tube(s) and air, and a positive attitude.  It is a park and it is lovely.  Everyone is welcome because I do not own the park…Weird, I know.

If you don’t come because you don’t like someone else; you are a tool and I am raising an eyebrow and giving you a duck face right now as I type.

If you don’t come because you don’t like me, I thank you in advance for your absence and truly appreciate your thinking enough of me to stay away. (This is not sarcasm.)

If you don’t come because you have to work, I understand…but am sending this out now so that you know which day to get “sick”. If (IF) you call off, please let us know so that no one checks you in or tags you in a photo and you get busted by your boss.  We have your back.

If you don’t come because you are in CO, I understand and am still shooting smiley double-birds at you for not packing me in your suitcase. I LOVE Colorado, you guys!!!  (tee hee)

All kidding and pseudo-threats aside, I hope you can make it!  If you cannot, I hope to see you at Crankfest on the 19th.  WOO HOO!!

Post-ride bite to eat at Sasha’s on DeMun (roughly around noon; maybe shoot me a text and check).

706 De Mun Avenue
St. Louis, MO 63105
(314) 863-7274

(Yes, Sasha’s again.  I am nothing if not consistent and it is a birthday tradition.)

If you can only make either the ride or the lunch, let me know in the comments so I know how to plan.  If you plan to do both, maybe bring a change of clothes so that you don’t grow ‘shrooms in your “situation”…

Love you guys!  See you there!

Now…Get off my lawn!



Disclaimer:  This ride is not SAG supported.  (It is sad that I have to state that.) All riders ride at their own risk and ability.  If you believe that you can fly, I request demand that you do that at some other park as seeing this disproven will not only be a downer to the fun but:

  • Your broken body will no doubt block the trails and we will be forced to bunny-hop you or worse…stop riding;
  • The medics will be forced to cut away some beautiful wood just to get to you;
  • Any medical helicopters are sure to scare the fuck out of the wildlife and send the plethora of deer inhabiting the woods all over the trails and likely in across/in front of non-stupid riders.  
If I get hit by a [bleeping] deer on my birthday (which is ironically enough one of by bigger fears…every day), there will be hell to pay and you can expect a subscription to Cat Fancy and all the cute cat/kitten videos I can find on YouTube being posted semi-hourly on your FB and/or Twitter accounts.  I will also send hairy naked male midgets to your hospital room.  Believe this.  
My statement regarding the front of the park being “cx-friendly” only applies to people who are not terrified of their bikes.  If you have ever raced the following cx races and complained that it was “too technical”, then this is not the ride for you:
  • Any of them.
  • Yes, that one too.

If you are one of those people with some odd religion that requires you to dispense birthday gifts, who am I to trample on another’s beliefs?  My wish list is here.  Have fun.

OK, that should be it.

Peace, love, and dirt….until September 9th and then it’s BARRIERS AGAIN!!!

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