Principle Upside Cake

I read an article that contained a quote that pissed me off today.

The quote came from a charming little group of hate mongers/”advocates” calling themselves  One Million Moms.  They were behind the boycotting of JC Penny and Glee for the cardinal sin of promoting…


[drops to whisper]

Capital G-a-y people!!!

But, that is exactly what JC Penny did by hiring complete alien/non-human Ellen DeGeneres as a spokeswoman and exactly what Glee does by having all those singing swishy folks dancing around corrupting children with happiness, silliness and evil-Jesus-forbid…diversity!

Today, while waging a war against yet another diverse new television program, they released a statement that said:

“NBC is using public airwaves to continue to subject families to the decay of morals and values, and the sanctity of marriage in attempting to redefine marriage. These things are harmful to our society, and this program is damaging to our culture.

“Millions of Americans strongly believe that marriage should be between one man and one woman. NBC’s ‘The New Normal’ is attempting to desensitize America and our children.  It is the opposite of how families are designed and created. You cannot recreate the biological wheel.”


These things are harmful to our society, and this program is damaging to our culture.”

Is this the same culture that has TV shows about teenage moms getting pregnant over and over again?

The same culture that has a Kim Kardashian, a Paris Hilton, a Snookie, and a Courtney Stodden as current “celebrities”?

The same culture that pimps women (and men) out on TV to find potential “mates”?

Odd…those are all hetero people making messes.

Ms. Kardashian was married for 72 days.  Courtney was 17 when she married a 50-year old.

Pardon me if I vomit on that last one.

That is the culture being threatened?

Alrighty!  Bring on the gays!

I’ll take a bunch of swishy queens over slutty tarts with orange skin any old day of the week.

Humor aside, the part that actually strikes a nerve with me is the part where they state [homosexuality] “…is the opposite of how families are designed and created…”

You know what?

My mom and stepdick were married for 5 years before she left.  That was the longest 5 years of my life and the same 5 years that aged me from 5 to 40 in like 24 months.

By the time I was 10 I didn’t want a husband, kids, or cats.  Dogs were still up in the air.

For the next few years I lived with my lesbian aunt(s) and grandpa and was bullied, tormented, and pushed to an almost breaking point.

Not by them, but from the ignoramous peers I encountered daily.

In the beginning, I became a little asshole and created a make-believe world that I hoped my peers  would better accept and allow me to live in peace.

After a year of that nonsense (I was 11), I finally had enough and started fighting back.

I was an asshole not because I was being raised by gays, but because I had to fight against the cruel and ignorant monsters who refused to allow their kids to play with me because I might give them AIDS or molest them…or my aunts might.

I became one angry little effer, that is for sure.

Even my grandma was a dick before she came around to the fact that my aunt was simply not going to “break up with her girlfriend and find a nice boy to settle down with”.

I remember hearing this from her when I was 16 and my aunt was well out of the closet and I remember saying something that rendered my grandma silent for the first time that I could recall…

“Gran, your daughter IS the ‘nice boy’ that some girl is going to fall in love with.  Let it go.”

Now while my aunt is obviously NOT a boy and that isn’t how homosexuality works, it was the clearest way that I could see to get my grandma to comprehend what was up.

She right then and there asked me if I was a lesbian…as if it rubs off or is airborne.

I remember my mom also having concerns that I would turn out gay.

I used to just look at them with a certain look and shake my head at them.

Believe me, I tried to be gay.  At some point I wanted nothing more than to be gay just because I thought it would drive my mom and grandma absolutely insane.

Eventually, my grandma got on trend and was cool with the lesbian thing, but I think that was more because she too had her own closet of skeletons and while not a lesbian, maybe closets are made of glass and maybe we all give a wink and a knowing nod and have some tea sandwiches of shut up.

Oddly enough, I ended up magically hetero.

*scratches head*

Yeah, I don’t get it either because I REALLY like boobies almost as much as I liked making my grandma uncomfortable.

I guess I understood a little about what some of my gay friends (and aunt) went through trying to be straight only to realize that it wasn’t going to stick.

In 3 years of living with my aunts (whose relationship lasted over 25 years), I saw a lot of things.  This is not the first time that I have written about it, but it bears repeating.

I saw love.  I saw ups and downs.

I saw 2 people get angry, have arguments, make up, have fun, cook meals, go on trips, dance around the house, play softball, go to concerts, shop, go camping, go to work, laugh, cry, pout, eat pizza, etc…

(Craaaaaayzeeee, right????)

They taught me how to make a good baked ziti and quiche.

They helped me make costumes and shop for dresses for dances.

We all had the same size feet, so I had LOTS of shoe options.

I hung out with lots of lesbians and gays and we did lots of “gay” things that I had no idea were gay because these gays didn’t wear neon signs or have a certain smell to them.

No one ever touched me inappropriately or hit on me and no one was hiding their orientation from me because they all knew I knew and that I didn’t care.

I didn’t get away with more because my aunt was “grateful” that I accepted her; you expect acceptance from those who love you and you don’t give acceptance hoping for an ROI.

When I wore black eyeliner, I still got grounded.

When I lied, broke curfew, or snuck out…I got in trouble.

There were no free passes.

There was no treating the situation as if our family had a disability that needed to be “handled”.

If someone had a problem with our family, it was their problem.

I didn’t get hugs or cuddling for getting my ass kicked by ignorant bullies and I didn’t get medals and high-fives for fighting back or not getting my ass kicked.

I moved away just as I was about to turn 14 and for the first real time, I was enrolled in a public school.

There were gays and lesbians there and that was a new thing for me.  I mean, I am sure there were homosexuals at my private school, but you know…it was a christian school so no one spoke of it.  The coolest sin there was black eyeliner, rolling our skirts, and pretending to be worldly.  At 12 and 13.  Yeah.

MySpace , Facebook, and Twitter?  Bitch, please!  We actually WENT places and DID things.  Hard core, brah.  Hard.  Core.

So, in South Florida in public school, I had access to lesbians.  Hot ones.  And weirdly enough, I was not “corrupted” by their hotness and “loose morals”.

I did my thing and they did theirs.

This One Million Moms group might be fascinated to know that I was not harassed, molested, raped, assaulted, or made to feel uncomfortable by any lesbians.  Straight males though…are another story entirely.

Frankly, hetero males made me consider being a lesbian more than actual lesbians.  I still consider this from time to time and I am 40 for crying out loud.

I’m not going to attempt to tell anyone what to think or how to think, but as someone who understands the difference between sexual orientation and people who are just your average douchebag, I can say that I feel confident that I can make a pretty sound argument against heterosexuality if I wanted to you know, be closed-minded like this One Million Moms group.

I think whether it is the topic of sexual orientation, religion, politics, or sushi, the fact that you don’t dig something does not make it wrong and does not give you reason to try to ruin it for everyone else.

Frankly, the more you tell people that they are doing something wrong on an opinion topic, the more they are going to throw it in your face, so maybe just let it go.

My kids have been around gays and lesbians all their lives.

Would I want either of them to be gay?

I wouldn’t care.  My job as a parent is to guide them with the principles and tools to be true to themselves; not to live up to any expectations I may have of them.

That said,  I don’t want my kids to have people who don’t know them hate them for the sake of hating them based on the concept of “different”.

Where I grew up, it was “weird” to be an Orthodox Jew.  Can you imagine?

I learned to ask questions and learned about their culture.  It didn’t take long before I simply saw them as different and maybe a little fascinating.

Is it the same?  No…but to the wrong people it is.  Ask these One Million Moms how they feel about other religions and cultures and I am guessing you will see that they have some strong opinions there too.

Throwing hate out there for those with whom you disagree is like a motorist throwing tacks/nails/glass on the road so that cyclists are hurt.

It makes no sense and all it does is piss off the cyclist.  That cyclist isn’t going to hang up his/her bike…and that gay isn’t going to hang up their rainbow.

And frankly, why should they?


2 responses to “Principle Upside Cake

  1. As usual, very well written – great read Cor!

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