The New Last Name: An Expression of Love and Insanity

Out of sheer curiosity, I looked my name up with the Kabalarians…

“Your first name of Cory gives you an independent, serious, reticent, and studious nature.

An intellectual, you have a deep appreciation for art, music, literature, and all the phenomena of nature.

You express your thoughts and feelings best through writing rather than verbally.

In fact, others find it challenging to understand you as you do not reveal your innermost thoughts unless you are completely comfortable in your friendships.

For that reason, despite having good business abilities, you like to work alone or where you are making your own decisions.

It has created separateness from others and loneliness in your life.

Although the name Cory creates the urge to be reliable and responsible, we emphasize that it limits self-expression and friendly congeniality with a moody disposition.

This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the heart, lungs, bronchial area, worry, and mental tension.”

[end analysis]

The result was quite interestingly on par…but I apparently need to change my last name, which is my greatest and most affectionate identity. To what would I change it and how/why would I explain this without the introduction of a spouse?


I am instantly mentally transported to that episode of Friends where Phoebe (I LOVE Phoebe!) changes her name after getting married to “Princess Consuela Bananahammock” and I think to myself, “Yeah; I could rock a name like that…”

I would of course want a last name that would make me sound cool for the bike racer trading cards I would have printed, since changing my last name will improve my lungs and I will therefore be totally bad ass…

…but I would still like it to my true to my persona.

I think I will be going with “La Boue”.

I am Italian, but I prefer to rock the “Fango” on my wheels and not my driver’s license, so the next logical choice would be to go French, in honor of my awesome dog.

Gee willickers, this was fun and SOOOO much easier than meeting/marrying some creepy French dude simply to bring balance to my name and improve my health.

Raycer (the French Dog) will also be happy to have a harmonious and balanced last name which demonstrates that I truly respect his place in my heart.

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