My grandpa, the man who raised me and against whom I have measured all people, let alone men, died 21 years ago today.
I have spent the day with my littlest and secretly happy that the weather has kept us snuggled up indoors.
On Friday, The Sass and I selected the perfect azaleas to plant to honor my grandfather at our home.
My heart cries that she will never hear the sound of his happy voice as he sung every day when he walked through the doors…
…whistling a tune or simply lighting up a room with his awesomeness.
She will never know the magic that I knew and it saddens me.
That said, she will also likely never feel the emptiness that I have felt for 21 years hoping to come across another human so amazing and special…
I realize that I never will.
I also realize that my life is filled with other spectacularly wonderful people who although are different, are not less.
I am going to focus on that.
I have two ridiculously extraordinary children who astound me every day and leave me speechless.
I have the love of friends to the degree that I had never imagined a “bastardly non-human” like me could ever deserve…
…and I am humbled.
If my grandpa were to visit with me today, I feel confident that we would laugh at the path my life has taken, and laugh harder at the things that I have done.
In the end, I believe that he would appreciate my ability and willingness to accept the monumental mistakes I have made and foremost applaud my ability to “never let the bastards grind me down”.
I think he would be more amused than shocked and more proud than disappointed and in the end, that is all we can ever really hope from anyone.
I believe he would buy me a Guinness and I would force a compromise and turn that into an Irish Car Bomb…
Post chug, we’d both raise our generous eyebrows and ponder whether or not the Jameson was really necessary…
(I say, “no”.)
We would drink up, I would pass him a cow bell and he would ring it for me from wherever he is, no matter how messy I got.
Today, on a day that is religious to some, I feel blessed/kissed/lucky that I have the awareness at a pretty young(ish) age to realize what true love and acceptance are…
…and I feel prepared and willing to pay it forward.
I didn’t know Jesus. I knew my grandpa…and I know that is what he would do.