Festivus – Feats of Strength 2010

Dan told me that this was due yesterday…but in my typical fashion, I am late and he gave me a free pass to get my “beauty” sleep and do it today.

*smirk*

So, now that the Airing of Grievances has been completed, I proceeded to the Festivus Feats of Strength.

But whom to wrestle?

I mean, it’s not like I had anyone on my grievance list chillaxin’ at the pad…except The French Dog.

I looked at him. He stared back innocently.

He blinked.

I jumped down on the floor and tried to wrestle him.

He rolled over and showed me his belly…and his junk.

(I am pretty sure he thinks he is Antonio Banderas as “Puss in Boots” from the Shrek franchise…)

Fail.

I rolled him back over and tried to rough house with him.

As he is the most silent dog on the planet and likely the happiest….he simply wagged his tail at me…and then tried to hump my shin.

Ewww. Fail!

Sooooo, having lost that battle, my only hope was to battle [name redacted] when he stopped by.

He was the perfect victim…errrr…sparring mate.

Sure, I fully intended to take advantage of the fact that he would be dressed for his company’s holiday party and the fact that he is injured.

I fully disclosed that information to him…just before I mock kicked him in the junk.

The thought and proximity of my foot damn near dropped him and I knew that if I so chose, I could then simply knee kick him to the face and drop him like a termite infested, beaver gnawed tree.

I won.

Virtually.

(Hey, I had to do this unless I wanted to deal with being accused of exploiting the whole “injured” thing.)

*Disclaimer: [Name redacted] is really nice and not deserving of a kick to the junk or a knee to the face. No males were injured during the practices of Cory’s Festivus Feats of Strength.

With the official Festivus Feats of Strength accomplished, I know Dan wishes me to now address my 2010 Feats of Strength…aka “my rather awesome (for me) psychocross season”!

This is where I acknowledge Dan’s super mega cx bootcamp that he smacked me into when road season was over…

Dan and Adrienne had their hands full with me this year, as I had been cut in half through my core muscles 4 months before the year started and again cut through the core muscles on Dec. 30th.

I was still on a liquid diet when the year began and have remained nutrition-challenged throughout the year.

(Try training someone with zero core muscles, healing stitches, and a liquid diet…it’s super fun!)

As my body healed, we introduced more and solids and tried to create a balance that my body would not reject and leave me puking mid-race. I was given more structured workout plans and not allowed to puss out.

I drilled the “Push Thru” motto into my head.

While Adrienne pushed me through my road season, Dan structured my cx season and then…it was all put together.

I entered the cx season physically stronger than I have been in 20 years.

I had gained a confidence on the bike that had you asked me in March, I would have thought impossible.

I performed well as the season opened and even won my first race…EVER!

As the 2nd cx series started, I started to have some issues on the bike and my confidence went in the crapper again.

Something was going wrong with my body and I didn’t know why.

Dan got into my head after my 3rd poor race in a row and rewired me.

I got back in the game the next week and improved the first race and wrecked my knee the 2nd race.

I got pretty angry at myself and rehabbed hard that week.

I was back in the game the following week with a different plan.

I started way in the back…off the back to be exact…to rebuild my confidence.

I would pass as many as I could and hold it…slowly picking off racers.

It worked for me.

I started to feel good in my head and that tingled through my body the duration of the race.

A smile crept back onto my face.

…and then I wrecked again…on the last lap!

Dammit!

Ehhh…

It didn’t effect me the same.

It hurt, but I finished the climb and the race.

I had some stuff come up in my personal life that week and Dan knew I was going to push myself harder.

He allowed me to make a few changes to my schedule and got happier as my results and confidence improved.

I was having fun racing again.

I was excited.

I shocked Dan with a last minute decision to race Jingle Cross and made him proud (I hope) with a 4th place and then a 5th place finish.

The next week, we traveled to KC for the MO State CX Championships and I ended up with a respectable 2nd in the State race (and 3rd in the overall race).

Considering that Gina took home the jersey and Gina is awesome, I can’t be disappointed even a little.

Considering that I didn’t race that race wisely at all, I didn’t deserve the win and I am happy it went to my friend. She earned the hell out of it in 26 degrees with crazy wind and doing it smartly.

I closed my season the next day at the KS State CX Championships by wrecking on my face.

It was effing EPIC!

Over the handlebars, face in the dirt…on a turn…off the front.

It was literally like someone dropped a f*cking house on me in my race.

*smirk*

I counted my teeth. Looked at my again wrecked (badly) knee…cried a minute…and got back on.

Then, to be frank, my sheer shallowness got the better of me.

There were a LOT of photags hangin’ on The Mound of Misery and I had no idea how bad my face looked…

…There was also no way I would catch the field with my knee like this…

I had nothing to gain and it was below freezing.

F*ck it.

I rolled off the course and ran into Jim…who obviously immediately knew something was wrong.

…Also, there stood a photographer.

Realizing I have wrecked, he started snapping away.

What could I do?

I laughed and let him get the shots he wanted.

As I sat in my car, I found the funny in my season’s end…and realized I had indeed beaten my season and literally wrestled it to the ground…endo style.

And I have no grievances about that.

Peace.